True Intimacy & Sex in a Loving Marriage

In marriage, men and women often have different perspectives on sex and intimacy. In a happy marriage, it is important to aim for sharing true intimacy with sex instead of merely having intercourse. In our culture, women are encouraged from childhood to open their "high" hearts (the hearts in our chests) and close our "low" hearts(our genitals). As a result, women tend to lead with their hearts, freely showering love and affection on our mates....but sometimes holding back sexually. With men, it's just the opposite: they tend to close down their high hearts and not let women in, although their more open sexually. To experience true intimacy and great sex, men and women need to learn how to work with both their high hearts and their low hearts.

If a man seeks true intimacy with a woman, he has to woo her with words, attention, and affection. Then, she'll feel safe enough to surrender to him sexually. On the other hand, in order to win a man's vulnerable heart, a woman must approach him with the same tenderness that she desires from him. If she criticizes or finds fault with him, he'll protect his heart, but if she makes him her hero, then he'll feel safe enough to share his heart with her.

Saida Desilets, an expert in female sexual energy, explains that we can see this anatomically. Men's genitals are on the outside- and they lead with their sexuality (while women keep theirs hidden). On the other hand, women's breasts are on the outside- and they lead with their hearts and affection(while men's hearts, like women's genitals, are much less obvious).

To achieve vibrant health, you must commit to yourself not just to having sex, but also engaging and nurturing your sexual energy and then making love on many levels. That keeps your life energy flowing and encourages positive, caring connections with yourself and your partner.

Colleen Montgomery is a well known individual and couples therapist in Severna Park, MD. She can be reached at 410-336-4950 to set up an appointment.

Reference:

Northrup, Christiane, "The Secret Pleasures", Hayhouse Publishing 2008.